THE THEM vs Super Trooper: The 4th Amendment kicks ass!
What follows is yet another lesson for bands as well as a lesson in exercising your 4th Amendment rights: The right against illegal search and seizure. Also learned during this experience, in hindsight, is how to exercise your 5th Amendment rights against self-incrimination. Learn how quickly a speeding ticket can turn into a test of the Bill of Rights.
THE THEM were travelling from Eugene, Oregon to Coeur D'alene, Idaho. We realized that we were going to be late to the show because of the damn, slowest Jack In The Box in the known universe. So we decided to pick up the pace a little...
We were pulled over an hour outside of Portland by a State Trooper. We were doing 81 in a 65. Whoops. I'm in the passenger seat where the cop walks over. He's a little guy with that typical cop mustache and his State Trooper hat on. You can tell he's a corn-fed, good ol' boy who goes to church every Sunday.
"You were going 81 in a 65. You guys in a band or something?" He's eyeballing my mohawk.
"Yep, we're on our way to Idaho." I'm searching furiously for my current registration and insurance card which is buried in months of trash and expired cards and registrations. I'm having trouble finding the current ones, so I start getting nervous that I forgot them.
"Why so nervous there?" He's full focused on me, and it just makes me more nervous. I also realize one of the members of our band has weed on him. (Not much at all, actually, but I had no clue how much he had on him.) "Did you steal this car or something? Transporting drugs? Why so nervous?"
I finally find the registration and hand it to him. He goes back and checks it out. Comes back and questions me on my ID, and leaves again. Then, he comes back and asks me to step out of the car and come back with him.
In front of his car, he begins assailing me with drug questions. "I know you got something on you there. So what is it? C'mon, you can tell me." He smiles all friendly like.
"Nothing,", I say, getting more nervous, standing in my socks in the gravel.
"Do you have marijuana, amphetamines, crack, cocaine, meth, PCP..." I say "no" to all of them, but I'm getting more nervous. Just can't help it. "Do you agree that I can search your car then?"
"No, I do not agree," I said. He looks at me.
"Well, I'm going to go talk to your buddies and see what they have to tell me." He goes over and talks to them out of ear shot, and comes back a minute later.
"Your buddies over there say they're fine with me searching them. They seem like nice guys, but you seem all hopped up. I know whatever I find in that car is yours and not theirs. We can make this a lot easier and have you on your way if you just let me search the vehicle."
I again say "no, you can't search the vehicle."
"Well, I'm going to have to take the next route, then. I'm going to call in the K-9 unit to come sniff around your car."
"Do what you have to do, officer."
I go back to the car and tell everyone what's going on. I ask the stoner if he can eat his stash real quick. Unfortunately, he has it all packed into mini-cigars, spliffs if you will, and he has a glass pipe. No eating is going to occur. Also, I'm not sure if the officer can see what we're doing from his car. Time to wait for the dogs...
Half an hour later, the officer comes back. "You guys are really going to wait it out aren't ya? Today's your lucky day guys. There's no K9 unit in the vicinity. Because of your 4th Amendment rights, I can't search the vehicle." A smile slowly grows across my face, and he points at me. "I know you have something on you in this car. Your buddies seem all right, but I know it's you. It's a good thing you're having somebody else drive, but you need to talk to your band mates. What you're doing is going to bring the band down. You need to think about this."
"But I don't do drugs..." He waves me off, not wanting to hear it. Seriously. I don't do drugs. I don't even jay walk! Never even been pulled over before. I'm actually the only law abiding citizen out of the group of us!
He hands us a $242 speeding ticket and 2 $97 seatbelt violation tickets (2 guys were sleeping in the back seat). And we were on our way.
Good thing, too. In addition to the weed, there was an empty beer can under the driver's seat that I had no clue about. That probably would have been even more trouble than the weed. I fucking love the 4th Amendment. So here's the band lessons:
Lesson 1: Don't speed and wear your seatbelts always.
Don't give them a reason to pull you over. You only made $20 at the show the night before, and you can't afford the tickets.
Lesson 2: Do not consent to a search.
Never. Even if we didn't have the weed, we would have got something because of that empty beer can that has probably been there for months. It could have been the cocaine laced panties of some groupie. Someone you didn't know may have threw something in there you don't know about. The singer could have a secret addiction he/she was hiding from the band. Just say no. When the officer is asking to search, he/she is out for blood.
And here's my hindsight lessons
Lesson 4: Use your right to remain silent.
If I hadn't answered the questions, the officer would not have been able to gauge that there was something in the car. They use these questions to trip you up psychologically. You are not obligated to answer any of them. If they start asking you about drugs, just recite your right to remain silent.
Lesson 5: Don't consent to be recorded.
When the trooper introduced himself, he stated we were being recorded. This law I'm not 100% sure about, but if you consent to being recorded (even nodding your head), they can use that against you in court. True or not, at least you can cover that base just in case.
Lesson 6: Keep your registration and insurance easily accessible.
I probably wouldn't have been near as nervous if I had that paperwork handy.
Lesson 7: You're in a band. They know you have drugs.
Even if you don't have drugs, the officer will assume you do. In their mind, they are going to get a drug bust.
And that's that. Live and learn. Remember, pretend to have a throat infection when the officer pulls you over. You can't talk, then.
THE THEM were travelling from Eugene, Oregon to Coeur D'alene, Idaho. We realized that we were going to be late to the show because of the damn, slowest Jack In The Box in the known universe. So we decided to pick up the pace a little...
We were pulled over an hour outside of Portland by a State Trooper. We were doing 81 in a 65. Whoops. I'm in the passenger seat where the cop walks over. He's a little guy with that typical cop mustache and his State Trooper hat on. You can tell he's a corn-fed, good ol' boy who goes to church every Sunday.
"You were going 81 in a 65. You guys in a band or something?" He's eyeballing my mohawk.
"Yep, we're on our way to Idaho." I'm searching furiously for my current registration and insurance card which is buried in months of trash and expired cards and registrations. I'm having trouble finding the current ones, so I start getting nervous that I forgot them.
"Why so nervous there?" He's full focused on me, and it just makes me more nervous. I also realize one of the members of our band has weed on him. (Not much at all, actually, but I had no clue how much he had on him.) "Did you steal this car or something? Transporting drugs? Why so nervous?"
I finally find the registration and hand it to him. He goes back and checks it out. Comes back and questions me on my ID, and leaves again. Then, he comes back and asks me to step out of the car and come back with him.
In front of his car, he begins assailing me with drug questions. "I know you got something on you there. So what is it? C'mon, you can tell me." He smiles all friendly like.
"Nothing,", I say, getting more nervous, standing in my socks in the gravel.
"Do you have marijuana, amphetamines, crack, cocaine, meth, PCP..." I say "no" to all of them, but I'm getting more nervous. Just can't help it. "Do you agree that I can search your car then?"
"No, I do not agree," I said. He looks at me.
"Well, I'm going to go talk to your buddies and see what they have to tell me." He goes over and talks to them out of ear shot, and comes back a minute later.
"Your buddies over there say they're fine with me searching them. They seem like nice guys, but you seem all hopped up. I know whatever I find in that car is yours and not theirs. We can make this a lot easier and have you on your way if you just let me search the vehicle."
I again say "no, you can't search the vehicle."
"Well, I'm going to have to take the next route, then. I'm going to call in the K-9 unit to come sniff around your car."
"Do what you have to do, officer."
I go back to the car and tell everyone what's going on. I ask the stoner if he can eat his stash real quick. Unfortunately, he has it all packed into mini-cigars, spliffs if you will, and he has a glass pipe. No eating is going to occur. Also, I'm not sure if the officer can see what we're doing from his car. Time to wait for the dogs...
Half an hour later, the officer comes back. "You guys are really going to wait it out aren't ya? Today's your lucky day guys. There's no K9 unit in the vicinity. Because of your 4th Amendment rights, I can't search the vehicle." A smile slowly grows across my face, and he points at me. "I know you have something on you in this car. Your buddies seem all right, but I know it's you. It's a good thing you're having somebody else drive, but you need to talk to your band mates. What you're doing is going to bring the band down. You need to think about this."
"But I don't do drugs..." He waves me off, not wanting to hear it. Seriously. I don't do drugs. I don't even jay walk! Never even been pulled over before. I'm actually the only law abiding citizen out of the group of us!
He hands us a $242 speeding ticket and 2 $97 seatbelt violation tickets (2 guys were sleeping in the back seat). And we were on our way.
Good thing, too. In addition to the weed, there was an empty beer can under the driver's seat that I had no clue about. That probably would have been even more trouble than the weed. I fucking love the 4th Amendment. So here's the band lessons:
Lesson 1: Don't speed and wear your seatbelts always.
Don't give them a reason to pull you over. You only made $20 at the show the night before, and you can't afford the tickets.
Lesson 2: Do not consent to a search.
Never. Even if we didn't have the weed, we would have got something because of that empty beer can that has probably been there for months. It could have been the cocaine laced panties of some groupie. Someone you didn't know may have threw something in there you don't know about. The singer could have a secret addiction he/she was hiding from the band. Just say no. When the officer is asking to search, he/she is out for blood.
And here's my hindsight lessons
Lesson 4: Use your right to remain silent.
If I hadn't answered the questions, the officer would not have been able to gauge that there was something in the car. They use these questions to trip you up psychologically. You are not obligated to answer any of them. If they start asking you about drugs, just recite your right to remain silent.
Lesson 5: Don't consent to be recorded.
When the trooper introduced himself, he stated we were being recorded. This law I'm not 100% sure about, but if you consent to being recorded (even nodding your head), they can use that against you in court. True or not, at least you can cover that base just in case.
Lesson 6: Keep your registration and insurance easily accessible.
I probably wouldn't have been near as nervous if I had that paperwork handy.
Lesson 7: You're in a band. They know you have drugs.
Even if you don't have drugs, the officer will assume you do. In their mind, they are going to get a drug bust.
And that's that. Live and learn. Remember, pretend to have a throat infection when the officer pulls you over. You can't talk, then.
Labels: "4th Amendment", "Bad mustache", "State Trooper", Oregon
posted by Sethalicious at
9:54 PM
5 Comments:
Holy shit. Thats some scary stuff. I hate cops. Way to stick to your guns.
Maybe it was the assless chaps and chrome studded cock bucket that tipped him off to the possibility of you being "hopped up"
You should hang your leather thong from the rear view next time.
I'm sure the cop would've had a field day with me in my outfit. At least he'd know I didn't have anything in my pockets! Ha!
You forgot the part where he came back from his cruiser and asked you what you birthday was, like you were giving him a fake ID or something. I'm pretty sure he called Joseph, Ricky, and I "legit guys."
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